childhood memories
by hallucinajenny
Summary: Kakuzu had a good life until he finds an interesting young boy who turns his world upside down. naru-verse the ordering of when people joined the akatsuki will be messed up. kakuhidan, gore, swearing.
1. Wakey Wakey

Warning: gore, kakuhidan, swearing, and all that good stuff

Disclaimer: if I owned Naruto then there would be a copious amount of yaoi.

I know I posted this before but I realized that it was retarded so I fixed it. It is now in Kakuzu's POV please read and review.

* * *

Five hearts…

How can someone have five hearts and still be heartless?

How can someone be alive and at the same time dead?

What was the point in living when the people you had fought to protect turn their backs on you?

When your heart is as cold as ice, would anyone dare to get near you again?

After a while, even the most persistent people go away. He never blamed them, how could you help someone who didn't want to be helped? You couldn't, no point, give up, game over. They all do in the end.

* * *

The first thing I could remember is pain, and then warmth… the warmth that can only come from another person.

My eyes snapped open, without any thought I moved, quickly grabbing the hand that was resting on my forehead, and twisted it behind its owner's back.

" ! THAT HURTS!" My hands loosened, letting the slender body underneath me slip away. "'The fuck you do that for?" The one who had spoken was a small boy, around 13 years old, with shoulder length white hair, and purple eyes.

I never knew how to deal with kids, they were one of the few things I never learned how to control, and particularly loudmouthed little kids were no better.

my mind slowly took in my surroundings, they were modest to say the least. It was a small room with barely enough space to contain all but the basic furnishings. I was sitting on a twin bed with black sheets, to match the black walls. Across the room was a chair and next to it was a small end table, which held all of my things. I shifted to stand up but the boy moved so that he was blocking my view of the end table.

"You have a fever, you shouldn't move." I tried again but the boy would not move. "My mom always said that when you have a fever you have to rest." I easily picked up on the past tense, but personally I didn't care what kind of personal problems this little brat had.

"It's not a fever, I always run warmer then most people." The albino glared at me for about a minute, and without any word or warning rushed at me. The unexpected attack, coupled with weariness from sleep and injury, caused me to be caught off guard, hid shoulder connected with my stomach, sending me crashing back into the bed.

"Cut the bullshit! No good shinobi gets pushed over that easily! You're either a really suck-ass ninja or you're sick!" the young boy slowly walked towards the door. "I'll bring up some food and water so stay there 'k?" I sat there dumbfounded, not knowing what else to do I nodded, signaling to the boy that he could now leave.

* * *

They boy returned again, with a jug of water and a bowl of fruit. He sat the food on the bed and the water on the floor, all the time watching me intently. I didn't know what it was, but having someone what me so intently made me almost uneasy, so much so that I wasn't able to eat until I was entirely sure that the kid was downstairs.

* * *

It had been a half an hour before the boy came back, one exceptionally long half hour that I spent listening at my abdomen yelling for more food. The boy stepped through the door, this time sporting a short ponytail, and a plate bursting with hot food.

"Holy shit! You were hungry!" He said setting the plate down on my lap. "Eat up!" I was practically ravenous but the kid just stat her and watched me, even going as far as sitting on the floor. I could see his smile becoming more strained as the clock ticked by, before he jumped up and shrieked, "Take off the fuckin' mask, and eat!" I used all the self control I could muster not to laugh.

_So, that's what he's after…_

"I _eat_, when you _leave_." I felt an immense amount of satisfaction, as he gave a defeated sigh and shuffled out of the room.

I mentally thanked whoever made the meal. I savored the taste, it was not the best I had ever had, but not having eaten a hot meal in over six months made me more then grateful for the simple meal. I cleaned my plate of any remnants, I had even gone as far as eating the fish, which I wasn't really a fan of, making my plate look almost unused. The kid was back again, this time only carrying a jug of water.

"My mom always said that you should drink lots of water when you're sick."

"How did I get here?" the sudden change in topic caught the younger male off guard, who fumbled with the jug almost dropping it.

"I-I found you passed out on the road outside the village…"

"What village is this?"

The boy played with his hitai, and I wondered how a boy that young could possibly be a ninja. I snapped back into realty just in time to hear him mumble. "Y-Yugakure."

"Do you mean that failure of a village, the one that dissolved into a tourist site?" _Bingo!_ The reconnection in his eyes was unmistakable.

"Shinobi are weapons, we are born to kill, and once we take a peaceful route we become useless… they were all a bunch of sinning heathens and deserved to die!" His whole body was shaking in anger, purple eyes filled with hatred.

"So everybody's dead?"

"'Cept for me. Jashin-sama passed judgment on all of the nonbelievers."

"And Jashin-sama is?"

"My god."

For the sake of self perseveration I dropped the subject, religion was one of my no-go topics.

"What's your name?" the mood in the room changed almost automatically, from the dark repressed mood, to one that could almost be considered ecstatic.

"My name is Hidan! I was top in almost all my classes, except for genjustu, I'm not so good at that. My birthday is on April second and I'm blood type B" The words tumbled out of his mouth, all too happy to fulfill my simple request. I found myself stepping back into my usual stride, people were easy to control, and what was a child but a miniature adult?

"And what killed everybody?"

"I fucking told you already! Jashin-sama passed judgment on them."

"How did he pass judgment?" Hidan's body suddenly relaxed, his head turned to the ceiling, his smile suddenly taking on new characteristics that I simply could not name.

"It's hard to recall… but there was blood… and I hurt… and lots of screaming, and I remember thinking…" His eyes closed and the room became quiet but there was no tension, it was a tranquil silence that came with prayer. "Before it happened I remember thinking 'you all deserve to die' and Jashin-sama heeded my prayers." Our eyes met, his were misty, blinded with a form of pleasure that I could never understand. The feeling in the room solidified, an underlying understanding between the two of us that the conversation was over.

"Boy, get me more food."

"My name isn't _boy_, you son of a bitch! It's Hidan!" I exhaled, releasing the breath that I wasn't even aware I was holding.

"Hidan, get me more food. _Now_."

"No wonder you weigh so fucking much." He slipped out of the door without another word.

* * *

I raised his head a little to look at the clock. It had been two hours and Hidan had not come back with food. The table sat across the room, almost taunting me, it would be so easy to grab my things and slip away without a sound.

However, in the end the I found myself walking down stairs, my feet pulling forward when my mind could not quite understand the action. Stepping into the kitchen, I was not only able to see, but feel the poor condition the house was in. It was as if it was once a happy place and had now lost everything that had kept it running. Like the summer sky without a sun.

Hidan was fast asleep in a chair, with a small trail of drool trickling down his chin. I once again looked at the clock, now seeing more then just the passage of time but the time itself. It was past six in the morning, and Hidan had carried me inside and then taken care of me all day without rest, it wasn't surprising at all that the boy was out cold.

When I stepped forward and he didn't move I was concerned. Ninja, out of habit and necessity, were light sleepers, but I was now only inches away from the boy and he was still fast asleep. It would have been so easy to slit his throat, a flick of the wrist and it would have been over. I could revel in the blood that spill from the boys pale skin. One quick movement and Hidan would be a fond memory. I would never have to see those large purple eyes again.

I moved even closer, close enough to count Hidan's pores, when i heard something that made me stop. It was quiet and half mumbled but the words that escaped the boy's lips were unmistakable.

"Mother… please come back." It was the only sound that broke the silence other then my rapidly beating hearts.

_He is a child, and if he hadn't found me I might be dead._ My mind began to whirl, trying to rationalize with my irrational bloodlust. _He is just a child who misses his mother. There is nothing to gain through killing him._ The words repeated in my head but something, deep down inside of me, still wanted to kill. Usually I can quell these emotions, but having something so small and vulnerable in front of me was almost irresistible.

Bracing myself against the back of the chair, i positioned his foot under Hidan's legs so that when i kicked up Hidan flew across the room and landed, _hard_.

"THE FUCK YOU DO THAT FOR?" He was yelling which probably meant that he was fine. I couldn't help but smile as I watched the younger shinobi shakily stand up, luckily this went unseen. His pale hands kept going to his nose, trying to stop the free flow of blood.

"I want a tour."

"W-what?"

By now, Hidan had forgotten about the nosebleed, and was completely focused on the person before him.

"A tour. We walk around town and you show me intresting things." The albino broke into another one of his odd little smiles and grabbed my hand.

"There isn't much, but I'll show you some really cool shit, seriously."


	2. Let's go to Church

I'M NOT DEAD! WOOOOOOOOOOT!

I am sooooo unbelievably sorry about this! I have been trying to update but I have had major writers block. I won't justify my actions, but I will try to update as much as I can in this month.

Warning: … Um… Well… It is kinda gross… actually it is really, really gross. Not for the squeamish.

Disclaimer: If I owned Naruto would I be writing fanfiction?

* * *

Steam hung heavily in the air, making it hard to see past my nose. Hidan ran ahead, stopping every now again so that I wouldn't loose him, or so that he could point out a local attraction that had been almost destroyed. He happily trotted about pointing out everything that was even mildly interesting, which wasn't much considering that the entire town was in a state of decay.

The settlement itself was shaped like a half circle, pressed against a cliff face, with smaller businesses and housing around the outer-rim, and small inns and the onsen in the center. The entire village was rather small, despite its large facade, and it didn't take too long to see everything.

As the tour came to its end I found myself looking up at the bright red cliff that Yugakure was built around, but Hidan kept walking, so I continued to follow. He brought me to the outskirts of the village and stopped. He spun on his heel to face me, wearing what had to be the biggest smile that any human being was ever capable of. "Here," He said, the smile still very much present. "is the final leg of our tour." Just behind him, chiseled into the stone were steps, leading up the cliff side, and disappearing in a dark cave, about 60 meters up.

He did another about-face and started to run up the stairs, only stopping when he noticed that I wasn't following. His face contorted into a frustrated scowl as he watched me from his vantage point. "What the fuck are you waiting for?" I was waiting for him to explain where we were going, but I didn't say that, choosing to follow him instead.

The stairs led up to the entrance of a cave that was blocked off by a large ebony door. In the very center were blobs of silver that formed a large circle with an upside-down triangle in the middle. Hidan placed his hand on the symbol, and gave a short burst of chakra.

What happened next could only be described as a violent assault on my senses. As the door opened I was hit in the face with a blast of fetid air, climbing its way up my nostrils and nesting there. My mask provided me with no protection, as the rank stench surrounded me. I tried breathing through my mouth, but it only made me taste it. The air smelled like something had been left to rot there. In the years that I had been a shinobi I had grown accustomed to the stench of death, but this horrible smell, it was completely different, it was much more than a single death.

When my eyes stopped watering I tried to make out the inside of the cavern. I could only see a few feet, beyond that was pitch black. Of what I could distinguish, it was a standard cave, except for the humid air that eked from it. I glanced at the ground, not expecting there to be anything, but just at the edge of the darkness was a puddle, completely black and looking to be about an inch or two deep. I didn't want to go anywhere near it but Hidan didn't seem to agree with me. He stepped past the threshold, walking silently until he came to the water's edge.

I expected a splash, I really did, but the sound of Hidan's bare feet stepping into the puddle was more of a loud squishing sound, like he had stepped into mud rather than water. When he pulled his foot out it sounded like a suction cup had been removed, a moment later he was gone.

It was revolting, truly, I just wanted to turn around and leave, there was something very, very wrong with the cave. I didn't want to follow, but it seemed to draw me in. I took off my sandals, I was not going to step foot in that... that cesspool and ruin my expensive sandals. Taking a deep breath, which in hindsight was a bad idea, I stepped forth, following after the clear sounds of Hidan's footsteps.

The - well I couldn't call it water, it felt more like I was trying to step through molasses than water - 'puddle' swallowed my feet, up to the ankle, seeping through my toes and coating my entire foot with its disgusting residue. 'If a child can deal with this, than so can I' or at least that was what I kept telling myself to make the whole ordeal easier. The wall was cold and moist - not explaining the humid air that clung to my skin - I used it to find my way through the winding passage. More than once I felt something crack beneath my feet; I did not wish to know what it was.

After five minutes of walking I was able to see a light, stepping out of the darkness I entered a large antechamber. The walls were covered in intricate symbols, etched in black on red; I guessed that this cliff was rich in iron, giving it that color. The room was shaped like an triangle, the two walls on the side slowly closing in until they met a the stairs leading up to another large door. From where I stood I could see that the stairs looked like they were slick with the exact same substance that covered the floor, Hidan's foot prints could be seen clearly on the steps, adding a new layer of grime to the already filthy staircase. The doors at the top of the stairs were wide open, just waiting for me to walk through.

I took a step forward and nearly fell backward. Beneath the dark liquid the floor takes a deep plunge, bringing it from ankle deep, to knee deep almost instantly. My right pant leg was coated in the substance, and after a small internal debate I decided that I was already dirty, more wouldn't hurt… or at least I hoped not.

I waded through the swampy muck, cursing a little as it became thigh deep. My only consolation was the fact that Hidan was shorter than me, and thus far more dirty, but one thing was for sure, that little bastard owed me. Climbing out of the filth felt amazing, even if I did feel about ten pounds heavier.

When I stepped through the doors I was livid; what kind of church had a cesspool in its foyer? My answer was given to me when I took a moment to look around the sanctuary. A lot of it was what you would expect in a church, several rows of pews, stained glass, an organ off in the corner, things like that, but there were things that just didn't seem to belong. It might have been the giant alter in the center that threw me off, or the massive statue of an angel with broken wings, but I was fairly sure that is was the hundreds of bodies that lined the walls. On second thought, I was positive that it was the bodies.

'Well… that explains the smell…' I thought snidely. The bodies were in various states of decay, from crumpled piles of bones, to freshly decaying corpses. All of them were mutilated beyond recognition.

The alter in the center was a reddish-brown tinge, a color I recognized instantly as dried blood. Behind it sat a hose attached to a water spigot. A sudden realization made my stomach reel, wishing to empty its contents. All of these people had been placed at the alter and drained of all their blood, and practically any other body fluid that got in the mix, but that wasn't what made me heave. I didn't care about what had happened here, all that mattered was that I had walked through a small pond's worth of human filth.

"Did you know that when a human dies their body starts to slowly liquefy?" I hadn't seen him when I walked in, but Hidan was sitting at the foot of the statue. I hadn't really bothered to look at it before, but it was in the shape of a beautiful woman, gems sat in the eyes, but they just make the woman look like she was crying. Spreading out from her back were a pair of broken wings, the wings had not been broken off of the statue, but had been carved to look like the bones had been snapped. She held her hands in front of her, a sick smile across her face. If I had to guess I would have said that her hands were covered in blood.

"I read it in a book once... well... and saw it." He chuckled and held a hand out to gesture to the room. "You know that there are three stages to decay? The first part is where the body starts to eat itself, and the skin peels off. I read that flies usually lay eggs in all of the open orifices. After that the body bloats, bacteria starts to break it down, letting out gas that collects in the body. It gets bigger and bigger until, POP!" He clapped his hands together for emphasis. "And then the last part, where everything just breaks down and the tissues just liquefy." He turned toward me, a smile on his face. "Fuckin' gross right?"

Hidan's little lesson made my stomach lurch again.

"I was aware of that…" I had killed enough of people to know that, I was just trying not to think about it. I had been covered in the blood of my enemies many times, but there was something unsettling about having your body coated with years worth of rot.

I had been preoccupied my own discomfort up until now, but I was starting to have a very bad feeling. It hadn't occurred to me, but Hidan had lured me into a murder den. I took a defensive stance, a little late, but it was better than not at all. Hidan saw my body language and laughed.

"I am not going to kill you fucktard, I could have done it a while ago if I actually wanted."

"I am not worried about a child." Hidan only shook his head, mumbling a few choice insults, and turned back to the statue. The look on her face was really starting to unnerve me, like she was in pain... but enjoying it. What kind of church was this?

He could have killed me so easily; I didn't want to admit it, but for as long as I must have been sleeping, I would have been an easy target. Lowering my guard a little I took another look around the room, it was far cleaner than the vestibule, most likely because all of the filth was washed down the stairs by that hose.

There was silence for a long time, Hidan only looked at the statue, and I stood there, twitching at every shadow. Being knocked out, without any recollection of how, was starting to make me jumpy.

The seconds ticked away slowly. All I could hear was a hushed whisper, which I assumed was coming from Hidan, possibly a prayer. After what felt like an eternity, but by my calculations it was only a half an hour, Hidan stood up, patting the statue, I could hear him whisper. "I'm sorry mother." When he turned around he had that same stupid grin plastered on his face. "You ready asshole?" '_He better be asking if I am ready to leave_' I thought bitterly, but he walked past me, out into the vestibule.

I heard a thunk, followed by cursing, and what could be best described as a splashing noise.

Sticking my head through the door I could find no sign of Hidan, but what I did see was the surface of the black pool rippling and bubbling, it was pretty easy to guess what happened. Hidan had slipped down the stairs and fallen into the pool, and the thick black substance had pulled him down. From his flailing I was able to guess that he was trying to find the surface. I let him struggle for a while, taking my revenge for him bringing me into this god forsaken place.

When the movements became weaker I walked down the stairs, being careful not to slip like he had. I didn't want to get more of that stuff on my body but at this point it was unavoidable. I wasn't sure why I didn't just leave the little bastard down there, but I didn't. Reaching down into the muck, I grasped onto his collar, and hauled him up in a thrashing, sputtering mess. Hidan struggled, and I kept his head just above the sewage, so he wouldn't drown, but he would be covered in it. The trip out was far faster than the trip in, that was partially due to the fact that I was rushing and I wanted to be out of that hell hole as soon as possible.

The fresh air was like heaven to my weary senses. I didn't even bother with the stairs, jumping off the cliff and landing about thirty yards away, Hidan in tow. In my anger I tossed the boy into a tree; not hard enough to kill him by any standards, but it was enough to bruise, or if I was lucky fracture something.

Of course I had no such luck, the little brat got up, swearing and coughing up muck that he had swallowed. I guess that I could call it a win lose situation, but that was still a loss, and I didn't like loosing. Marching over to Hidan I grabbed his hair and yanked him up to eye level. The albino struggled in my grasp.

"God damn it! Let go of my fucking hair, it huuuuuuuurts!" He screeched, drawing out the last word as far as he could before coughing up some of the muck that he must have swallowed. It got on my shirt. "And why did you have to fucking throw me? I am tired and achy and now I am covered in this shit! Do you know how long it takes to wash the smell out of your hair?" He was yelling full volume. "Let go of my hair, you are ripping it out of my skull you dick!" This kid seemed to have this strange ability to surprise me. I had just thrown him into a tree and he was complaining more about me pulling his hair and how long he would have to wash.

I dropped him, the whining was starting to hurt my ears, and I could feel my anger rising.

"About fucking time!" He yelled, rubbing his head as if it would push the hair back into his skull. "But thanks for getting me out and all, that place fucking stinks, and this shit," He waved his arm, showing off the murky black waste that coated it. "The smell fucking sinks into your skin! It gets everywhere and- Fuck… I think some went up my nose! I hate going in there!"

_Wait… he… he knew how disgusting it was… and he still let me go in? The little bastard didn't even want to go in himself…?_

My anger was rising, and it was reaching killing range quickly. "You. Didn't. Want. To. Go?" I gritted through my teeth, trying very hard not to reach out and snap his little neck.

_Why are you restraining yourself?_

"Huh? Of course not. It smells like ass, and all the dead bodies give me the fucking creeps."

That was when I snapped, grabbing him by the neck, I held him above my head, slowly squeezing the life out of his tiny frame. His legs swung wildly, his small hands tugging franticly at mine.

"P-please… stop…" He wheezed. "P-p-pretty please… I'll… d-do anything…" That was what I liked to hear. I let go of his neck and let him drop to the ground.

"I expect a bath, food, and _new cloths_." I put extra emphasis on the last part, my pants were beyond saving. "You are going to do all these things for me because if you don't, I will kill you.

"Oh… Well sure, why didn't you ask in the first place?" He said, completely disregarding the death threat. It wasn't like he didn't hear me, or that he didn't believe me, but like he just didn't care.

There was something seriously wrong with this child, but I couldn't pinpoint it.


	3. Bath time fun

I am so sorry for not updating like I promised. I suck, I know.

Warning: Gore, etc.

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.

* * *

It had been so long, without the contact of another human being…

Humans need each other. They need the contact of another individual, the words that they share, the touches, the mutual emotions. Every action and word becomes so intimate, delving into the mind of another, sharing feelings. It was an intimacy that I never desired.

My thoughts were best kept in my mind, where they couldn't be dissected for hidden meaning. There were no alternate connotation in my actions or words; everything was purposeful, done only with my final goal in mind. There was no room in my brain for conflicting emotions or questioning my motives.

Not that my motives were ever questioned by others either. I was rarely around the living and the dead weren't exactly a talkative bunch.

* * *

"Let go of my fucking hair!" He screeched, trying to wriggle from my grasp. His small frame attempted to slide out from under me, muscles straining against the abuse that I was putting his body through. His skin was red and angry, a dark bruise in the shape of my hand rested against the back of his neck, showing just exactly where I had held him down.

My hair was soaked and hung loosely in my face, droplets of moisture rolled down my forehead. My hands - so used to handling cold unresponsive corpses, and shaking the sweaty palms of various bounty hunters – were clutching at the warm flesh beneath, holding him down through all of his screaming and thrashing.

It was sick, but I loved it, loved watching the child in pain, seeing his angry face, fierce magenta eyes glaring up at me in defiance, a look that just made me want to break him…

I wanted to make him complacent, show him what defiance brought him, and maybe if I was lucky, teach him to curb that awful tongue of his.

"Get off me, this fucking hurts like a-" Hidan was cut off when I shoved his head underwater again. I held his head under, scrubbing the hair to rinse off some of the soap. I only let him resurface when he needed air, well… I might have held him down a little longer than needed, but why couldn't I make this fun for me? "God damn it! Let me finish a fucking sentence bef-" His impact with the water caused it to splash me, but it didn't matter, I was already soaked from his earlier thrashing.

Pulling him out again, I started to lather his hair with more soap, the muck had provided to be more difficult to wash than expected and Hidan had asked for my assistance, which I hoped by now he would have realized how horrible of a decision that had been.

"It is getting in my eyes you asshole!" Why did he only ever focus on the small injuries as if it were one of his limbs were being hacked off? Shouldn't he be complaining that I had scrubbed his skin raw? Or the bruise on the neck, or even about when I punched him in the chest when he tried to run? All of these seemed to be far worse than a little soap in his eyes.

"Stop moving." I didn't bother saying anything else. Extra words meant extra effort. Effort which I didn't want to put forth.

We continued like this for a while, me cleaning off the bits of muck that he had missed and pretending to drown him, Hidan screaming about the pain whenever his head was above water.

When he was finally clean I loosened my grip, letting his head fall away. Hidan used that moment to scrabble away from me, pressing his back against the wall, chest heaving, and magenta eyes wide and fearful, looking like a drowned rat.

"What the fuck was that for?" He whined, combing his silver locks back. There was a patch of skin on his torso that looked like it had been ripped off, I assume that it was my fault, but I felt no guilt.

"You asked for help." Asked, whined insistently, not too much of a difference.

"You fucking drowned me!"

I didn't answer; instead I turned around, looking for the door that supposedly led to the hot spring, leaving the little brat where he was.

* * *

The hot spring was quite beautiful, slabs of red rock stacked high on one side, creating a makeshift waterfall. Smooth river stones surrounded the water, and the steam was so thick that I could barely make out the copse of trees at the edge. The gentle trickling of water and the heat calmed my nerves, gently easing away the headache that had been steadily growing in Hidan's presence.

He had gone off somewhere after the bath incident, presumably trying to be as far from me as he could possibly manage, and he didn't return for almost an hour. In that time the calming water had washed away what had to be at least a year's worth of stress, relaxing my body, and lulling it into a peaceful stupor.

That is, until Hidan decided to jump into the water, getting my hair wet. He splashed about like a child, trying to swim in the shallow water, and God was it annoying.

I wasn't sure what prompted me to do it, or why it brought me such enjoyment, but one of the thin tendrils snaked its way out of my leg, wrapping itself around the boy's ankle and dragging him below the water. I held him under for a minute, longer than an average person would last, before letting him claw his way to the surface.

Hidan looked disgruntled; sticking his head beneath the water to find what could have possibly tripped him. After a few more trips under the water he finally gave up, and went back to splashing about and generally pissing me off.

We went back and forth, him splashing around like an asshole, me drowning him for my own sick amusement, until he finally stopped being annoying and settled by the edge of the water.

It was silent for a long time, but I was starting to assume that there was something in Hidan's brain that kept him from being quiet for too long.

"… I was top of my class." He announced proudly, as if he actually believed that I cared, even in the slightest. I just gave a noncommittal grunt and went back to ignoring him, which he must have taken as an acknowledgement to keep talking. "Yeah, I was so fucking awesome, that they put me in the big boy's class, I skipped a few grades." He puffed out his chest a little, trying to make himself seem more important.

"But we never really did anything cool in this shithole, missions were always shit like 'my cat ran away' or 'I am too much of a lazy cunt to harvest my own crops. Do it for me!' and shit like that." He gave a disgusted click of his tongue. I couldn't say that I wasn't even mildly disgusted at least, back in my day ninja weren't so grievously misused, ninja were tools for destruction. You don't use a kunai to till fields, and you don't use a hoe to kill people; at least not when other, better weapons are readily at hand.

"They wouldn't give a child high ranking missions. You need to pay your dues and learn your place."

"But I had graduated! Why the fuck would I have to do boring ass work like farming? I am a fucking ninja!" He hollered at me, as if I had some power to send him on proper missions.

I spoke slowly, hoping that the words would somehow find their way into this dim child's head. "They would not give an B or A ranked mission to a-" What, he looked about 14 now, this had to have been about three years ago, perhaps an 11 year old? "-an 11 year old."

"Huh?"

I wasn't sure how I could make what I said even more straightforward. "You were about 11 then, right?"

"I am 12 right now. It the village was destroyed when I was 10."

I was stunned, that both of my estimates were wrong, I was almost never wrong. I wouldn't know till later, but I would experience that feeling a lot in the years that I knew Hidan. "Only 12?"

He gave me a look like he believed that I was the idiot here, and it just made my blood boil. I hated it when people patronized me, and I hated it even more when I knew that I was bigger, stronger, and smarter than them. This thought alone made me want to shove his head under the water, making sure that he never resurfaced. However, he was an orphan, I had yet to sully my hands with the blood of a parentless child, and I didn't plan to make tonight the first time.

I let the silence hang in the air; it was comfortable for me, but most likely stifling for him. He did not break it, either out of stubbornness, or fear of being the first to talk I did not know.

Hidan smoothed his hands over the surface of the water.

I didn't know when I stopped looking at him, or how long we had just sat there in the silence, but when he spoke again it startled me.

"How did you get those scars?" I turned to see large magenta orbs.

"Got hurt."

He cocked his head to the side, as if what I had said was hard for him to grasp.

"How?" He asked like a child who didn't exactly want an answer, but a way to stop the silence.

_Shouldn't someone his age be a bit more mature? _

"Too long to remember."

"…" He was silent, and yet his eyes would not leave me. "Did it hurt?"

"…More than anything." I could see his fingers rising to his cheeks, tracing a line across his pale skin.

"I can't remember the last time I got hurt. It's 'cause I am such an awesome ninja, people can't hurt me." He beamed, flashing pearly white teeth at me. They were clean, white, untainted, just like everything else about him, even that disgusting church had an air of purity to it. I hated it. I wanted to see those clean white teeth stained crimson, his hair messed up, that tiny pale body resting in a red pool of his own fluids.

"Don't challenge me."

"Pff, I bet I could beat you, I am an awesome super ninja!" He preened in a way that just made me want to snap his tiny little neck.

I knew what I was to him. I was a new toy, interesting now, but he would grow bored of me. It is human nature, fickle creatures with short attention spans. They showed kindness and respect when it suited them, but once you had served your purpose they cast you aside.

The bitterness rose in my chest, anger seeping though past wounds that I thought had closed. It filled my body, looking for an escape.

"You know, you are the first person in a very long time that I liked. You're a bit of an asshole, and you hurt me, but I like you." He smiled up at me, a picture of childhood innocence. "You talk to me, and you don't talk down, or lie to me. You are the first person I liked since my mother die-" If I had to say that I acted in anger I would have been lying. The only thought that I had during that time was that I didn't want him to say that he liked me, I didn't want any more of his lies.

His skin was warm from the hot spring, the water making it slick, so much like earlier, but not. Before, I was teasing, humoring a child, No I could feel the bloodlust growing inside me.

"_Stop talking_." I wasn't sure why I said it, I usually loved to hear my victims beg for their worthless lives, but at that moment, all I wanted was for Hidan to stop talking. All I wanted was for him mouth to close for the rest of eternity. "I don't care if you like me, or if anyone does. All I want right now is for your pitiful little existence to end." I squeezed till the pink faded from his lips, and those damn eyes finally misted over, however if it was in death or unconsciousness I did not care. I dropped him, face down in the water, leavening him, if he wasn't dead yet he would be soon.

* * *

The meal that was laid before me was amazing. Splayed across the table were dishes of sashimi, nabe, miso soup, and even yakitori. Hidan had even collected a very good looking bottle of nihonshu.

At the time I didn't question where he had gone. I hadn't cared. If I had known… if I had known I still would have killed him that was not a question. Perhaps I would have killed him quicker, a painless slit of the throat? Maybe I would have even just left him in this little hellhole to rot instead of killing him.

I like to think that nothing would have changed.

I felt no gilt for his murder.

I told myself that as I ate the meal he had prepared in the last hours of his life.


	4. Don't sleep in

AN: Ugh, sorry, this took far too long, I intended to finish it long ago, but I kept being side tracked by other things.

I had a little help on this chapter from my great friend Hoshigaki-Kaena on Deviantart

Check out her fanfic 'Determined' It's a great read.

It's about Hidan digging himself out of that damn hole, and finding a way to get his asshole partner back.

~~End shameless advertisement

Also, just an FYI, this chapter is set 3 years after the last one, I will make that more clear in the next chapter.

* * *

Immortality. Most humans strive for it. Many would kill for it. However it often comes with a price.

Humanity.

Those who strive for immortality don't ever see it till it is too late, but the chase warps your mind. It changes who you are inside and once you do finally achieve it you are no longer the person you once were. You start to see the world differently. Friends, family, loyalties, they begin to feel unimportant. So small and weak in comparison. Even time seems so trivial. So much that people can die, years can pass, and it all just feels like the blink of an eye.

* * *

The first thought that occurred to me was that I was dreaming. There was nothing particularly surreal about it, only that I have had this dream over four times already, and it was starting to get old.

The second thought was that I have a rather boring subconscious. Glancing at the passing trees, each one the same shape, height, and space apart. The sky, dull and grey, and the path I walked was a muddy brown.

Something sat in my right hand, small, soft, and delicate. It had been so long since I last held the hand of another in such a way, the action was almost foreign to me. The boy, for it was a boy, had skin the color of an almond, and hair that looked like he had cut it himself. He looked up at me and gave me a smile, one that I vaguely remembered having. Those green eyes sparkled with innocence, and joy, emotions that I have not felt in so many years.

This was all starting to anger me. I knew exactly how this dream would pan out. We would walk for hours in eerie silence, not even my heavy footfalls made a sound, which I cursed my bland imagination for. I would try to remove my hand from his, but due to some invisible force, find myself unable, and whenever I looked at him, he would only smile at me. I just decided to wait it out.

"Why don't you ever talk to me?" The question broke through the silence, I almost didn't catch it. My eyes slid over the avatar of my youth, seeing the disappointed look on his face. He had never spoken to me before, which after much consideration might have been my fault, however he was a figment of my imagination, wouldn't a conversation with him be as worthwhile as talking to myself?

My mouth opened to answer, but closed when no words came. I repeated this action once or twice more, but truly, what are you supposed to say to your younger self? 'I don't talk to you because I don't want to remember you?' maybe 'You're entire life is going to be one big mess of bitterness and greed?' or even 'You will become a monster who feels no remorse?' I was a little relived when he decided to go on without an answer.

"You're a ninja aren't you?" He looked forward and continued, obviously content to carry the entire conversation on his own. "When I grow up I am going to be a ninja."

For a moment I entertained the thought of telling him not to waste his time, perhaps telling him to follow some other foolish dream, such as baking, or artistry, but I expect that would change nothing.

I was so lost in my own thoughts that I didn't notice how it had suddenly gone quiet. Green eyes peered up at me, waiting for the answer to a question I hadn't heard.

"Hm?"

"What's it like to be a ninja?"

"…" I wondered what I should say, there was truly no point in lying. "It is a thankless job, and the only people you can trust are the ones you have bought."

The path before me was as bland as ever, a muddy, uninteresting world that I wanted no part of. But was the real world much different? My days were overflowing with interchangeable forest paths, and bland cities that gave off the dreadful feeling of déjà vu, that sickening feeling that he has done this all before. There was nothing new.

"That's not true." I looked back at my child incarnation, but the picture before me had changed. The younger me looked more wary than before, the messy, unkempt hair was now matted with blood, body shaking, and his tiny fingers clutching at a abdominal wound. But the one thing that changed the most were his eyes. When he looked up at me they were no longer green, they had changed into a piercing magenta. "There are still interesting things in the world."

* * *

For some reason humans have created an image that most of our kind associate with waking up from a nightmare. If one human were to see another suddenly sitting up in bed, face pale, sweat sliding over their skin, they would assume that they had just experienced a nightmare. Sadly, the human body doesn't actually work like that. You cannot go from sleep to awake at the snap of a finger.

What actually happens is far less pleasant. The dreamer would slowly slip from their nightmare, and into semiconsciousness, where they would sit in their own fear, the real world, and their dream world mingling together so that one cannot be told from the other.

The sweat trickled down from my brow, but I lacked any energy to wipe it away. The dream didn't scare me, not much scared me at this age, except perhaps poverty, but the hazy air, the stickiness of my skin, and the way those eyes were still burned into my vision felt like every nightmare I had ever had.

I sat there for some time as those sharp eyes filed themselves away in my memory, but it made me think.

_Where had I seen them before?_

* * *

"Would you like to see my beautiful children?" Chirped the disgusting fat man before me. He patted at his neck with a cloth, getting rid of the sweat.

'What am I doing here?' I thought as I followed the revolting man into the dank basement where he kept his 'children' chained up in little boxes barely large enough for them to lie in the fetal position and slowly die inside, which they surly were doing. I felt their empty eyes watching me as I passed, like animals in cages, both excited and terrified at the idea of a new master.

I had no qualms with slavery. One who sells the bodies of the dead had no right to judge those who sold the living. My issue had nothing to do with the moral implications, or truly anything of that sort, but rather the product and its cost. In normal circumstances I would not spend an exorbitant amount of money on a creature that I intended to simply use, and then murder. Even the whores I occasionally indulged in weren't that expensive, not that I ever paid them.

Any other time and a whore would have done, another body that I could release my pent up stress into, and then murder, but not now. My dreams had been wrecking havoc on my waking self; I ate very little, and slept even less. Every time my eyes closed I could see the intense glare that dug at my psyche. I needed a body that could be used again and again, till I was finally sated. Till I could close my eyes and not be troubled by visions of unpleasant things.

However… as I scanned the cages, I questioned my desire for one of these wretched things. They seemed human enough, more human than I did at times, but when I looked at them all I saw were hollow shells in the shapes of humans.

My attention was pulled away by a sudden scream that rang though the halls. A man came barreling toward us, clutching a bleeding hand.

"What happened now?" The fat salesman didn't seem all too worried about his employ's wound. He turned to me, giving a small bow. "I'm sorry sir, this won't take long."

"The little bastard bit me!" The man showed his right hand, which was missing his entire pinky finger, and a chunk of his ring finger. I couldn't help but be impressed of any slave that still had both the will power, and strength to separate man and finger.

"Do not wave that about!" The fat man hissed. "We have a customer!" Turning to me once more he tried to excuse his employ, attempted to explain that not all of the slaves weren't as misbehaved as this one, however I simply cut him off.

"Take me to the slave that bit him." Both the men stared at me as if I had grown a second head, but one well placed glare later we were walking toward where they kept him. On the way the salesman tried to convince me not to bother with this particular slave, they called him violent, rude, stupid, and most of all, untrainable.

My face didn't show it, but I was intrigued. I after looking at the pitiful creatures they had to offer, I almost thought that I would leave empty-handed, but this slave piqued my interest. They kept him alone from the others; I wanted to know the reason. Perhaps it was curiosity to what danger he could be. Or maybe it was my need to control - maybe I was up to the challenge of taming the untamable.

They led me to him.

When we reached the cage I had to say that I wasn't much impressed. He wasn't anything special at first glance, just a malnourished and dirty teenager. He sat with his legs crossed, hands shackled to his sides, and black cloth covering his eyes. The only thing that truly drew my attention was the blood splattered over his face, and running down from his mouth.

"Remove the blindfold." I ordered, but the slave merchant didn't move.

"And lose a finger? No thank you."

I growled, the temptation to throw this fat man into the cage and see just exactly how much he lost was almost overwhelming, nevertheless I behaved. Instead I snaked a long thread from my body, into the cage and under the covering, sharply ripping the fabric off.

The boy's body lurched forward, head connecting loudly with the stone floor. With his hands shackled as they were, he would have a hard time picking himself up, if he even bothered to.

I no longer expected anything out of this boy. Somewhere deep within me, in the place where my pessimism kept my optimism locked up, I had hoped that he wouldn't be like the others. I wanted a fighter that I could truly enjoy conquering. However as I looked at his twitching body on the ground I decided that my optimism needed to be shot.

I turned, intending to leave, when I heard the quiet voice behind me. "_Y-you… fucker…_" It was barely audible, and raspy from lack of use, but it was there. I faced him once more.

The boy had crawled over to the bars of his cage, attempting to use them to get on his feet. Each time he would get up a little of the way, before sliding back down to the floor.

Behind my mask I smirked. This boy might just be worth my time.

Finally making it to his feet, he rested his head on the bars, panting. His long legs shook under his weight, and he was obviously sickly, the fact that he was even on his feet was amazing.

I looked him over once more, he was filthy from head to toe, and the only part of his body that seemed at least a little clean was where his blindfold had sat. From there I could see that his skin was deathly pale, his eyes barely open. After being mostly blind for so long even this dim lighting must have been agonizingly bright. He blinked a few times, forcing his eyes to adjust, his pupils contracting.

I looked directly into his eyes, every one of my hearts stopping for an agonizingly long moment. As his pupils shrunk, showing off more of his irises the memory from my dream came rushing back.

It was the same hateful magenta glare form my dreams.


	5. Lets go walkies!

AN: It's so cute how I always say "I'll update more often" to myself, and then several months pass and it turns out I've done diddly squat. Well I'm in a writing mood, so hopefully the next chapter won't take five more months.

Also, I'm looking for a beta reader so I don't have to harass my friends into editing my chapters, and so I don't have to personally edit them since I'm a pretty horrible editor. Send me PMs if you're interested. I know I could go hunting for one, but I rather have one who is already a fan of my writing/Kakuhida and as I can only do a limited search I'm kinda SOL without reaching out to my wonderful readers.

* * *

People say that the eyes are the window to the soul.

I wonder what people see when they look into mine, surely not a soul. I sold that long ago. Or at least I think I did. Some things get hard to remember in my old age, one of those being what I may, or may not have done with a soul, if I even ever had one to begin with.

* * *

"I'll take him." What prompted those words, I'm still unsure, but even after I thought about it, I stood by my words.

"You will?" A smile broke across the slave merchant's fat face, it was the look of a man who was about to unload shoddy merchandise if I've ever seen it. "Well if you will come this way we can talk about pricing-"

"I don't think you understand." I cut him off. "I said I would take him. I never said I would pay."

The smile dropped almost instantly, and the look that replaced it was far more amusing. Mouth agape, and eyes wide, he almost looked like a blowfish. When I finally grew bored I brought my attention back to the cage. The lock was heavy, and black with dirt, but nothing out of my power. I held my hand flat, fingers pressed together as the skin turned black. In one swift movement the lock was broken off the cage.

I looked at the sickly teen, who was now sitting on the floor. It seemed that the force in which I struck the lock had shook the cage itself, knocking him over. "Are you coming?" I could hear the fat man behind me scrambling away and calling for his guards, paid it no mind. He could call a thousand guards, and it would make little difference to me.

The boy took his time looking up to me, and I could practically see the gears turning in his mind. Magenta eyes flickered from me, to the long hall I had come from, possibly choosing which was the lesser of two evils. It soon became evident that he was not moving any time soon, and trusted me about as much as he trusted the slave merchant. All as well, letting him walk would have slowed me down. In two steps I was standing above him, and with relative ease I tossed his minuscule body over my shoulder.

Making my way outside wasn't exactly difficult. I snapped the last guard's neck before continuing up the stairs, into the natural light of the sun. A hiss from behind me signaled that the boy must have opened his eyes when he ought not to. Judging by his appearance, he must have been in that dank hole for months, if not years, growing accustomed to the semi-darkness. Real sunlight must have been excruciating.

The thought alone made me smirk.

* * *

"LEMME GO, YOU FUCKIN' CREEP! PUT ME DOWN! SOMEONE HELP!" For someone whose voice had been so weak when I first collected him, he sure screamed a lot. That, and the thrashing, was quickly grating on my nerves. At one point he even tried to bite me, it was almost like trying to handle a rabid dog.

Eventually the struggling subsided, and eventually stopped, the steady rise and fall of his chest indicated that he had somehow managed to fall asleep. How he managed that, given the situation, was beyond me. All the better for me, I suppose.

I walked in silence for the most part, occasionally I stopped to check if the little bastard was still breathing. I didn't honestly care, but I really hate doing pointless things. Rescuing the brat, and then having him die on me would be irritating to say the least.

Some time later I stopped in a small clearing, throwing the boy off my shoulder and onto the grass, I was almost pleased at the heavy thump he made when he connected with the ground.

Then the swearing started again, like he never stopped. My amusement quickly faded into annoyance, and then into anger. The little ingreat had just been saved and he wouldn't stop screaming bloody murder. About the time he started screaming "RAPE!" was when I grabbed his face, my palm over his mouth. For a moment I contemplated crushing his his skull, but grey matter would require far more cleaning than I was willing to do at the moment.

"Listen, you little rat!" I hissed. "If you you don't want your body parts littering the road from here to the next town then you are going to shut up, do you understand- don't try to talk, just nod." The boy seemed to have the presence of mind to actually nod, and keep quiet once I removed my hand.

Now, without the distraction of shouting, being attacked, or even a destination, I was left with my thoughts. 'Why had I saved him?' The thought ran around my head, over and over, like it was doing laps. However, I could only see those strange eyes looking up at me, the image pricking something in my memory, but for the life of me I couldn't remember what.

The teen seemed to have at least half a brain, as he stayed quiet during my musings, though he might simply have not had the energy to speak any longer.

"You!" I snapped, making the kid nearly fall over himself, as if being shocked into reality. Perhaps that was the case, he looked as if his grasp on it was already dubious. I tossed him a piece of dried meat, already making a mental tab for him. He was a lousy catch, but didn't seem to mind eating food off the ground. Another thing I made a note of. "Listen up." He was mid-bite, but still glanced at me, I guessed that meant he was listenening. If not I could always beat the information into him. "You serve me now. You got that?"

No. It seemed he didn't. "What?" He yelled with a mouth half full of dried meat.

"I did not realize you were too stupid to understand simple concepts, but let me put it simply. If you don't do what I say, then I will murder you in the worst way I can think of. Understand."

He grumbled something under his breath, but after a swift backhand he seemed more complacent.

"There is a stream just past those trees. You will bathe, and come back, if you do not, I will hunt you down, and make you regret your measly existence." I was sure my eyes conveyed the truth in my words, because I believe I saw him pale. "Now you will answer me with a 'yes sir', do you understand?"

"y-yeah whatever..." I glared, raising my hand once more. "I mean y-yes sir!" This made me wonder if he had an inner monologue, or if I would be required to rip out his vocal cords.

He wobbled to his feet, looking back at me, and I could see in his eyes, he was thinking about running.

"I can sense your chakra, if you go too far, I will know." That look of fear he gave me was positively wonderful, I could tell that he thought I could read his mind, or something equally ridiculous. "Stop pondering my possible telepathic abilities, and go _bathe_." That got him moving, and if I was lucky, made him even more frightened of me. One could only hope.

* * *

I must have dozed off at some point between when he went to wash, and when he returned, because when I felt his chakra returning the light had since faded from the sky, and the starts were starting to come out of hiding.

I leaned back on a tree, trying to recall the dream I had been pulled from. It had been pleasant, not like the nightmares that had plagued me for the last month. I grasped for memories of the dream, but each time it would slip though my fingers. I felt like a child in a pond, hopelessly chasing and grabbing at the little fish within, never quite catching them.

The sound of crunching twigs drew me from my thoughts. I listened closely, and nearly smirked. The boy was trying to step lightly, possibly to sneak up on me, but his advancing movement was as clear as day to me.

"If you're trying to ambush me, you are doing a very poor job of it."

There was one last crunching sound, before he stopped all together. I enjoyed the silence, focusing on the late summer heat, and the way the grass tickled my palm. Somewhere in my mind I noted the smell that hung on my clothes from carrying the boy. That would also need to go on his tab.

"U-um…" I could hear as he shifted uncomfortably from foot to foot. The way some underfoot branches cracked in complaint at the extra weight said more to me than his words did. "I'm done…" He was unsure, and frightened, just as he should have been. My temper when it came to children never was what one would call gentle, and has become even less so as the years passed.

My mind wandered somewhere else, to a half buried memory. I remembered the patter of small feet running ahead of me, the laughter of a child, the smell of sulfur in the air.

An image flashed in the back of my eyelids. One I hadn't seen in years. A young boy, tall and awkward for his age, the baby fat still clinging to his cheeks, his white hair hung over those odd magenta eyes.

Those vivid eyes that haunted my dreams after all these years.

Those same eyes that belonged to the boy I just saved.

My eyes snapped open, and I turned from where I was sitting to see the boy cowering just out of reach. He'd gotten taller, his imprisonment made him scrawny, and his too-long legs wobbled like a newborn foal. His hair was longer, and a murkier grey from the remaining dirt. His eyes, however, were the only things that hadn't changed.

"Hidan…"


End file.
